How To Handle Sickness
The Kind That Looks Like It’s Paying a Permanent Visit…
You might be new to the club of having an illness that likely won’t go away, though miracles and spontaneous remissions do occur. Or you might have been suffering for fifty years, or maybe you’re wondering what it feels like for someone you like or love to have a disease. I abhor the term, chronic illness, so I try not to use it to define me, because what if I’m having a good day? Then that disease isn’t permitted to permeate my thoughts in any way, and I’ve learned how to push the thoughts aside.
I’m not a doctor. I’m a CPA who should have been a singer in some band or teaching high schoolers, so why should you even listen to me? Well, I was diagnosed with a rare disease at 18, and I knew something was wrong with me a year earlier. Since those early days, in spite of exercising and a fairly healthy diet, I’ve added about fifteen illnesses to my resume, and more keep popping up. Being a person comes first, and it’s tough when your symptoms cloud your vision and make you hurt, but you can be more than your diseases.
Give Yourself the Time To Grieve Your Old Self.
You had a whole life going on, so it’s going to take time to get used to your new normal. I had to give up being in the sun, so I garden as the sun lowers in the evening. You might not be able to exercise anymore, or your new diet might be a bear to follow. Give yourself time to be mad or sad over your new limitations. It’s not easy being told you have to change your lifestyle, especially if it was a healthy one full of running or hiking; or your old habit of eating a bowl of ice cream with fudge on top right before bedtime. Your voice might be hoarse now, you can’t walk well, or maybe your medication has tough side effects. Set aside time to mourn the unwelcome changes in your life. It’s more than okay. Be sad about it. Feel angry. It’s a loss. It’s your loss.
Decide to Embrace the New You and Get On With It.
After you’ve done the grieving, it’s time to embrace who you are now. Maybe you’re not able to do Pilates perfectly or ever again, but you’re so much more than that. Lupus, kidney disease, or multiple sclerosis does not have to define you completely. You have to make changes, yes, but there’s so much for you to do and accomplish. Find new activities to enjoy, and if you need to rest more then you might want to try drawing, writing, reading or solving crossword puzzles. On days you have energy, visit friends or take a gentle stroll. Write notes to those around you who need an encouraging message. You have to find new talents and new ways to enjoy your life. Binge watch The Real Housewives of Some City in America.
Keep The Friends Who Give You Energy and Set Aside the Ones Who Don’t.
This can be a difficult and thorny issue. But people who send you messages that you’re holding them back by not being the “old you” need to go away. They won’t get it until they are hobbled by disease, and by then you’ll have friends who can handle being cancelled on the last minute. Acommodating friends are a wonderful gift, so treasure them. Friends who try to understand, even if they can’t possibly, and who’ll listen to you as much as you listen to them. Your friends need to accept you and your limitations. You need good friends who don’t suck you dry, but you also need to be a giving friend. Don’t complain about your health every time you talk to them, because you’re being a bore.
You still want to be a fun person. A thoughtful person who thinks of others, so make sure you ask about them. Your friends and acquaintances want you to ask about them and how they’re doing, since they have good and awful days too. There are more than enough ways to suffer in this world, and they might be having money problems or relationship issues. You won’t know until you ask them or give them the silence needed for them to speak up. Be a giving friend, and make sure your friends give you their love, time and acceptance.
Your Family Might Be the Last To Accept Your Diagnosis.
You’d think your family would embrace your new diagnosis. Or your old one that they still ignore. I’ve been having heart issues for years, but it’s only been recently that my family is worried about them. Heart issues make my family drop like flies, but I think our families like to believe the dream that we’ll be around forever. We can’t do that or promise it. Even the healthy people don’t know how long they have, but it’s amazing how loved ones need us to be okay. Or maybe they don’t want to deal with never having another beach vacation with you again. Maybe that back surgery means you cannot pick up your grandchildren, but it doesn’t mean you love them less. It’s tough on you and on your family.
Persist. Bring it up. Ask for what you need, and it’s okay to ocassionally ask for what you want. Those lists are very different, so be careful what you ask for. If you need to eat dinner but didn’t have the energy to cook, then DoorDash is there to rescue you and your family. Ask them to vacuum. Or ask for a cleaning service to come in every so often. But asking for your spouse to wait in line to get your favorite Blizzard or espresso drink sends the message that you’re using them and their time. We can’t expect others to give us their time all the time, so watch how often you ask for favors or help.
You Are Wonderful and Matter to This World.
Find happiness in watching the way the sunlight streaming into your room changes by the month. Listen to birdsong, then try to find out what kind of bird it is. Our world is full of wonder, so look into your world and get knowledgeable. Your words and wisdom do matter, and investing in others will give you renewed purpose. There are hurting people all over who need hope. When you’re having a day or week or hour where you’re feeling hopeful, help the world by passing on your lessons in patience, perseverance, or faith.
Someone In This World Always Has It Worse Off Than You.
This is meant to be comforting. Somebody in China could have your medical issues, and they can’t get in to see a doctor. A woman who is being abused in any country, but especially in Africa or the Mideast must serve up breakfast, lunch and dinner while suffering from the same illness you have. Lucky us. We can order pizza. Somebody I know lost over fifteen pregnancies, and she would have been a wonderful mom. But she told me she was done trying and would volunteer her time to help others, and she is a step-mom too. Now my friend bakes cookies and knits to give to others. She understands that her life was affected by a disease, but she has so much to give back. You do too. Be a force for positive relationships. Give when you can, if you can.
There is only one you. You’re unique and special, so be kind to yourself. Take it easy on the bad days, and go help the world on your good days. I wish you well on your journey. And I wish you more healthy days than not.
