Missing Out…
When you have to cancel yet again.
How do you deal with cancelling plans? Do you go even if you feel you’re on the brink of passing out? Do you pop a pain pill and go ahead? What if you’re in too much pain to make it work? What do you do when you’re sick again? Or when your partner is sick again or in pain?
Far too often those of us who dwell in darkened rooms live in the margins of life, and we don’t like it. Pain plagues us, we’re dealing with mind-numbing fatigue that sleep doesn’t cure, and on top of that we miss living life. We want in on the fun, and just when our calendar has dinner plans scheduled, our bodies betray us and we have to call or text that our dinner won’t be the shrimp risotto with white wine.
More than that we’ll miss the conversation, the catching up on our lives; and we fall further behind. It feels like the world is laughing and partying together and having a grand time, while we watch a movie as we lie on the couch clutching a heating pad. Will our friends find more reliable friends? Will our need to cancel take us farther and farther away from our small clutch of friends who are left?
People don’t want to hang out with sick friends. We’re not always a bundle of fun, we can’t always join in on the drinking or eating, and while we like laughing along with the inside jokes, we might not be on the inside anymore.
I appeal to the healthy people who have no idea what being chronically sick or in constant pain is like to think of having the flu over and over again, never knowing when it will hit, and that’s kind of like being sick. Except the flu ends. As for pain, if you’ve never been in unremitting pain from a migraine or a sciatic nerve then chronic pain is easy to dismiss.
Even then I appeal to you to keep pursuing your sick friend, knowing one day they’ll have a good day. Don’t turn your back on them, because you can’t handle being cancelled on. Please handle it. Take the cancellation as a gift to do something on your own while your friend is sick and sad.
If you’re the healthy partner of a sick person, try to have them pace themselves. Maybe reminding them to save their energy for a Friday event is helpful.
I have the whole family come over, since I can order BBQ or Chinese and serve snacks, drinks and dessert even if I’m down with pnuemonia. I actually did that last November, and having it here meant I could creep downstairs and visit a while. My husband does a lot of the running around to gather the food when I don’t feel up to it, and it means so much to both of us to see everyone.
Maybe you could do that sometimes? Maybe gathering takeout and hanging out in your sweats with family is enough. Maybe even your closest friends would understand that. Better yet, ask them to wear their sweats too. You can have a cozy night or relaxing day all together.
For the sickos and pain ridden out there, don’t bang yourself up over having to cancel. Your life isn’t cancelled. Yes, you have to miss that play, the football game or dinner out, but you can rest easy knowing you will get back out there again. You will feel good enough to go one of these days. Don’t give up.
Most of all, don’t stop communicating with your family and friends. Keep talking and texting. Celebrate their birthdays even if it’s five months late. And when you are together, be sure to be fun and don’t talk about being sick or in pain. They know. Now is the time to laugh, catch up on some news and have fun!
Remember fun? You can still get there. Just don’t forget the way. Not ever.
