You Can Never Have Too Many Pillows, But No Lemon Cake…
Observations on a marriage…
In any marriage or partnership areas of disagreement will inevitably arise, even when two people are completely over-the-moon in love with each other. It happens. Over time resolutions will be reached, but there are times when the enemy, excuse me, when our loved one, is terribly wrong; and we are incredibly right. We employ our calm exterior to hide our inner critic, while we refuse to give in to our loved one’s preference; because ours is so right!
Take pillows. I love pillows and will buy them in different sizes, for separate seasons, piled on beds and sofas. My outdoor furniture is an excuse to purchase more pillows. They are comforting, cozy and enhance any room. My husband thinks our sofa should be rendered pillow-less, with just two pillows on our bed and none outside ever. He tries to overlook my piles of pillows, but does he place them back in their perfect position when he rises from a chair? Eh, sometimes. But he usually puts the pillows in a pile on the floor, and I remedy that the moment his sweet head hits his pillow upstairs.
That’s right. We don’t go to bed at the same time. Shame, right? Not really. When I wore a younger face I woke up with the kids, and sometimes I was up before my husband! Miracles did happen, but that went away when my youngest shut the door and went off to university. Now I stay up and happily immerse myself in reading, writing and maybe even a workout before heading to sleep. My love then has time to himself on weekends when he wakes hours before me. He drinks coffee, reads, and has completed a project or two before I deem it time to rise and shine. We each get alone time, and together time.
But how about such things as what temperature your home should be? That’s a serious issue, and rarely do two people completely agree. Since my love is burning hot (with love for me?) all of the time, I live in a freezer all summer once he’s home from work. When he heads off to bed upstairs, the thermostat is programmed to go into a deep freeze, and I pull on socks and sweats and a blanket. Just don’t tell him I open the back door for some refreshingly balmy summer breezes most nights. It works. I won’t discuss winter, though we do both like a gas fireplace. The cat does too, so there’s that at least.
Food? Well, I love a good tuna noodle casserole, but my husband has bad memories that seem to have scarred him for life when it comes to casseroles. He is a meat and potato guy, who loves salad and almost any vegetable except beets. Growing up in Wisconsin must mean he requires meat two times a day, because I grew up elsewhere and we had many meatless dinners. My father cooked pasta with tomato sauce sans meat for dinner, and we loved it. Mac and cheese? Sure! Tomato soup? Always!
Which brings up cooking. Who cooks? I love baking, but since everyone around me seems to be watching their weight, I’ve given it up for the most part. Cooking was never my forte, but I fed the family until the last kid left home. He moved back in when the pandemic closed the college down, and I learned how to order dinner delivered.
I watched my son bring in the most delectable meals from their spot on our front porch, and he’d even let me have rice or a french fry. I watched him as he sat down to YouTube and a great dinner. I learned the art of finding good deals, and now I’m trying intermittent fasting. The college kid taught me that, too. As for cooking? I go all out on Thanksgiving and Christmas. My love cooks breakfast, but I fast during breakfast now, so why cook? Coffee counts as cooking these days.
I have to mention how I ask each family member what kind of cake they want me to bake for their birthday, but one year my husband asked for a lemon cake with lemon frosting. I told him no, the kids wouldn’t eat it. And they were still little, so flavors mattered. A woman at work heard about the lemon cake, and she baked my love three lemon cakes and pies last year. It’s become a running joke now. The year I said no to lemon cake. I can’t start baking them now! Maybe when the man retires. Maybe then.
Decor? Pets? What to watch on t.v.? They’re all small matters that can drive a wedge between two people in love. I haven’t mentioned money, because that’s a huge source of debate. I married a fellow CPA, so we’ve been on the same page financially from the start; but money has to be dealt with and agreed upon. Concessions must be made, and give-and-take is part of making a long relationship work.
Do you want to work at it? My husband and I laugh about so much, but it did take years of discussion, negotiating, trusting each other, and falling in love all over again. We’ve built a place in the country for the two of us, and being there together made me look at him in a different light. I felt as though we were newlyweds again, since I saw a new side of my husband. We had a love affair with a cabin and with one another.
I hope you enjoy the stages of spending life together. I think it’s worth it. Good times rain down as often as the bad, and it’s sweet to have someone to share it all. I married my best friend, who happens to be the hottest man on the planet. Take that how you choose to see it. And I hope you see the flaws in your relationship as beautifully made just for the two of you to share.
We still laugh at my A.D.D. cleaning schedule. We still laugh about how half the year is hunting season and the other half is getting ready for hunting season. And yes, we both laugh at my love for Hallmark Christmas movies. Just not on Halloween, please.
Have fun! Treat each other kindly and laugh! Smile. Hold hands. And enjoy the ride called marriage.
